In order to stop my profile becoming Inactive I’ll be posting a photo tomorrow but it unfortunately does not mean I will be properly returning. I’m just so disheartened by the stealing, sharing & reposting of my content especially when I’m vulnerable I wanted to think of a way I can share content without it being immediately stolen. I won’t be able to read comments here I’ve tried a dozen times to work out how to turn them off but it doesn’t seem possible so leave comments on Insta dms if necessary please.
You’d think having major surgery would be enough of bad time this year but lately Skyla has been escaping the garden to the point I was actually reported to the police by a neighbour for her being dangerously aggressive. I’ve had two police visits now and they are aware it’s not a case of a non caring/ignorant owner but the fact I just cannot afford the fencing to keep her in. it’s about £6000 (fucking ridiculous I know but it’s more complicated then first glance) the police aren’t unkind but they don’t care for a sob story simply if I can’t contain her I can’t keep her. So now I’m in danger of her being taken from me which might break me truthfully 😢 I’ve really been through enough I think but the hard times just aren’t stopping. I’m gonna have to do some begging to my mom to help, I’ve got to try
Sorry if the English is not great I’ve written this in a rush and my phone X is slowing down on me I’m rather attached to it as it was really kindly gifted to me by a lovely follower second hand when they upgraded their phone a couple years ago but I’ve definitely got to upgrade myself again. By hey if I do the camera will be even better!
While I’m fairly incapable of taking anything sexy at the minute. This little thing did amuse me while the surgical garments are fitted to your body size these do not accommodate chest space for my enormous natural boobs wanting to spread out lol. I was getting a bit of rubbing on my poor breasts which was just unbearable I improvised by stuffing a sock down there. It relived the problem thankfully but I had to giggle me stuffing my bra was something I never thought I’d have to do!
Just a bit of Floppy Cleavage
Just under 1 month till my surgery now, I have paid my deposit but need to pay the rest of it. I know I can’t carry on doing any modelling at all without this surgery but honestly I am getting so scared plunging myself into so much debt when the house is literally falling down around me. I’m not going to go on about what I have to sort here but if anyone wants to buy an extra lottery ticket and think of me if you win please do lol
Not sure I like my face in this one but I think my cleavage is pretty nice. 🍈🍈
Just fyi I’m unlikely to see anyones comments but you can send them on social media and hopefully I’ll see them then.
If anyone is still signed up here then crikey thank you! sadly I am still struggling hugely.
I’m meant to go back to work in 6 days but the whole point of being signed off was to sort myself out and I’m still nowhere near to doing that. I can’t afford to take anymore time off but god knows where my uniform even is! I’m simply just so so sad still 😔. The English weather is no help right now either I want frosty crisp cold mornings not rain & mud! I need a gardener but I don’t know how to look for a fair priced one without Facebook. I need basic help sweeping leaves & mowing the lawn though for now I’ll shut the curtains and not look out side. Harry Potter by candle light with hot milk & chocolate each evening is necessary! Lupin says chocolate will make you feel better and he’s not wrong!
A body update having lost a stone I am feeling more confident I still want to lose another stone since I think I’ll be much more confident & healthier for it. I took these quick unedited natural snaps the other day and in this light & angle you can’t see the lump too much. Which is great but I can’t take photos only facing forward an in dull light forever. So I have decided I will be having the surgery as soon as I have raised the money to pay for it.
I have made great progress this weekend in sorting out the house and my possessions I’ll be so much calmer and happier when that’s done.
Halloween 2021 - Currently not active or reading messages/comments here, I have tried a dozen times to change my bio to say this but the site won’t let me. That is why I do not advertise or advise new joiners. The site now said it would remove my profile if I don’t post I don’t want to be deleted I want to return in some form. Next week all my possessions are being moved out my house I’m sure I’ll be really low then but right now my mind & heart are completely shattered over something else I always get back up again but this has hurt me more then ever before it’s going to hurt a long time. I still pray for a resolution in my favour every day…
I’ve lost 12lbs in weight the last 3 weeks it’s not a good way to lose weight but it has been making me a little more confident body wise though still hasn’t shrunk my boobs much yet which is annoying I’d really like to drop back from K to HH so I can wear more sexy styles.
I’ve lived on my own nearly a decade losing my house and having to return to my moms is humiliating but I know I am not actively at fault for this I could not help a pandemic. My sister has been a thorn in my sides for so long ruining all my hard work but she is leaving now and I’m free to improve my mothers life & mine. Living in my moms dated dark house is not great & I’ll never be able to bring a man over but it will save me £1000 a month in utilities money I can use to make a better life rather then the pocket of a landlord.
I am researching surgery deeply at the moment to give me the body I want and to ensure the confidence to take pictures that show my body more meaning better work prospects but we’re talking £30,000 plus which is not something I have at the moment but I’ll try hard. If anyone was considering it please don’t tip here remember it takes 20% off and then as I’m in England it converts down from dollar to pound.
Right I’m off to pack boxes, hug my heart better & cry a lot more, tell myself I deserve to be loved & then move forward x
If it’s not already clear I’m struggling horrendously at the moment and I’m sorry for not being here. I haven’t been able to pay my rent the last couple months and have had to take loans off my mother to do so. A big reason has been the month & months that my sisters boyfriend has been living where I shoot my content. I literally despise the guy he is abhorrent. He’s rude, obnoxious, controlling, egotistical, lazy. He lived with my mom for 3 months before he gave her a penny in rent and that’s because I wouldn’t give up on telling my mother that she should not & could not afford to support his disgusting freeloading ass. He’s 24 and only giving £200/$280 pcm that barely covers the utility expensive of having him there. What went from him staying (just 1 month) in November to him literally never leaving the house from November to May he didn’t leave the hour for daily exercise, he didn’t visit friends in the park, not even a weekly food shop I couldn’t escape him to get any work done.
I refused to shoot/film my content when he’s around having to dash around and cover up whenever he wanted to walk to the kitchen or bathroom every hour or so. I don’t/didn’t feel I should be placed in such uncomfortable position by my mother when I do so much for her and he had loving parents who could and were housing him happily he did not need to move in ever he’s just taking full advantage of my mother being so tired and I’ll she’s like a living zombie she can’t think straight over anything.
It’s not my house I can’t remove him that’s upto my mother and now I’m losing my house and have nowhere to go but my mothers and live with him it’s actually destroying me. The idea that I am losing my freedom, my safe space to live in that toxic environment and will potentially have to give up my main income while he sits there leeching off my mother, saving a fortune and attempting to control & rule the roost is just repugnant. My family keep saying I’m strong and not to let him takeover or get to me but my god I am drained by everything I feel so weakened by it all.
I’m not sleeping still and the anxiety pit in my stomach just won’t go but I am attempting to try and take more pictures lately. I’ve lost 4lbs in weight it’s not much but it’s a start I really want to get back down to HH so I can fit in a lot more lingerie brands
Here the only lingerie that firsts me at the moment! I’m hoping on Tuesday I can finally get to the shops to buy some new sets 👙
Silent on social media because My pain levels hit a peak lately to the debilitating point I had to see my doctor today and I got a very kind but worrying telling off. As some may know I had an accident as a teenager that’s left lasting spinal & nerve damage. Usually it’s manageable but over the last couple months I’ve started to lose sensation in my lower thigh that’s spread down around the knee, pain in my glute and a numbness in my toes I didn’t see the doctor because I was embarrassed and just expected to by turned away and told to lose all the weight I gained. But instead nothing about my weight was said and she just calmly freaked out that my spinal cord is probably being crushed and that’s trickling down the nerves in my leg losing the sensation that could ultimately become not being able to feel the whole leg so I’ve got an urgent MRI to explore a bit more and I must admit I’m feeling rather foolish for not seeking help sooner and now very worried.
They break my already broken back 🍈 🍈
but I can’t actually imagine losing them now if I carry on with my weight loss program. I’ve been in so much pain lately I’m really struggling to get up each morning and get going but I’ve looking at home multi gyms so I can work out peacefully and regularly to strengthen my back. I think it would really really help but I'm not sure where to put one. Its very cold and drafty in the top shed it’s likely any fabric will get mould on and I don’t have a space £6000 for a new garden building. Does anyone have gyms in non heated garages and how do they fair?
Believe me I hate myself more then you do for lack of content. But 10 days till reopening ⏲ 🛍
Here’s a size 16 bikini I attempted to squeeze into I might post that pic on my Instagram stories for realism so swipe for acreage of cleavage I definitely won’t post on Instagram!
With all the stress I completely forgot these two pictures from Valentines! 🌹 🌈
I hope they brighten up your weekend I was/am really pleased with these 🥰
I have every intention of getting round to my DM’s but I can’t say when the anxiety of everyone having being angry still makes me feel awful in the mean time please don’t pre pay for any old videos and if you have please feel free to dm me on my socials where I can see to help you out
There’s been a little wave of people joining since I posted that bra picture on Instagram so I just wanted to say Hi, Thank You & Sorry. Because it’s such a bad time for me at the moment and I’m really not showing myself or my page at it’s best I’m literally just clinging on to sanity & keeping my head above water. I’ve tried several times to put a note in my bio about everything for people before they sign up but every time I try it says cannot exceed 1000 characters even though the count is saying 924 🙄 18 days till the 12th of April 🤞🏻
This picture makes my boobs look really different sizes but it’s just my arms pushing them 😆
23 days before the shops reopen and I can buy underwear again easily! 23 days before I can open my therapy business again and actually have income that covers more then just the essential bills and 56 days before my bnb can welcome holiday travellers again and I can regain income from that too. I’ve been very quiet on here because I did become conscious that I was just moaning and being negative. I just did my best to do as much dirty grunt work as I could the last couple weeks so when things are normal I can get straight back into being sexy full time lol. I’m just counting down the days through gritted teeth
I tried ordering from Pretty Little Thing.com the other day for the first time and had to send back 80% of the stuff absolutely nothing would button up over my tits! I’m think I might try the actual plus size ladies websites and see if they button better over my crazy fluctuations! I’ve been walking several miles and really enjoying it I couldn’t tell you if I’ve lost any weight yet definitely not off my chest rest asssured! but my fitness levels are improving which feels good.
🌹
I’m not sure what I can say without moaning at you guys and I’m trying not to do that as much! 🙈 The shops & 1 of my businesses can open again on April 12th so it’s a month and a half to go which isn’t really a long time though it’s a big amount of time in bills and content making in the mean time but at least I now have a date to work towards and think of rather then endless “when will? How much longer?”
3 positives today - I got some good exercise on a lovely peaceful walk, I cleaned my filthyyyy car & I bought a plate organiser for my cupboard so boring but I am very excited for it to arrive 😆
