I had so much fun with this one! Did you know... I used to look down on "fun," having decided that I was a serious, contemplative, complex individual and that fun was superficial and lacking substance. I've since reevaulated :) I feel there is so much fun to be had in the "why not"s of life, in trying something just to see what will happen, in allowing tangents to be come new possibilities, in finding what is "fun" in the "mundane" or the "frustrating" or the "unsuitable". At least, I enjoy trying!
This way of holding me always feels quite "grounding," like "I got you," "I feel your heat," "you're right here with me, now, in this room." I wonder if there are particular touches for you that feel immediately present.
There's the charge of semi-accidental nudity of noticing someone undressing at a clothing optional sauna, though nakedness is welcome there. A kind of openness and vulnerability of casual and social nakedness. Different from nipples changing the landscape of a shirt. Or the outline of pussy lips covered by underwear. Different from a first glance with a potential lover. Lately I've been curious about the idea of touching and being touched without the first sight of nakedness. I am curious about established usual-order-of-events to subvert.
The song playing in my head these days is this one:
There's always one song looping, usually just 15-20 seconds of one song. If I'm lucky, I'll know which song it is so I can listen to it. Otherwise, it teases me, a feeling just out of my grasp.
As I edit the photos I could share with you, I find that I am really drawn to the candids, the 'in between' moments... the 'accidental' captures, where I am not focused on being seen, but I allow myself to be seen... there is an 'exhale' in it.
sometimes sex doesn't cross my consciousness for weeks or months. sometimes i am insatisable. to be honest, it's becoming a danger to others and myself.
Yes, I have a more lot to say about Basic Instinct. But that's for another time. First, this: I received a message yesterday that claimed to explain everything about to how to read maps backwards. Unfortunately, it was just spam
Unrelated, do you know of the guitarist Marcin? I find him incredible. He seems to be personally revolutionizing fingerstyle guitar. He plays one guitar but it is like he is playing several percussion instruments and several guitars at the same time. Incredible to see. Of course it is a pleasure to witness skill, and beyond that, I love to see someone fully immersed in and present to whatever they are doing, regardless of what it is.
I started learning some martial arts and self-defense. I really enjoy wrestling and the physical chess of bringing each other to submission, who could've guessed?
I also really love the practice of agility in bringing the each other to a place of potentially major pain or injury, and going towards it with sensitivity and attunement to feel how little is enough to lead to forfiet. Calmness when close to a win or a loss.
*press into me. i breath the earth in through my heels, up the back of me, all the way. i exhale down my front side, exhale down just under the skin, through the ball of my foot. i remember something i overhead: go down and touch your ankles, and allow it to be beautiful.*
3 raw photos, no colorgrading. I've been getting a real kick from colorgrading lately, as you might have noticed, and will see more of soon. I walked into this room and immediately wanted to capture the light. I did that, first thing.
I listen to most audiobooks, videos, voice mails, etc at 1.5 to 1.75%. I have been listening to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle at 0.90%. He is already a well-paced, meditative speaker, but I slowed it down so I could really hear and digest each phrase. What do you choose to slow down for?
catch! *I'm reminded of "gotta catch them all," yes, the Pokemon slogan. I really enjoy following game design and I love ideas that make things engaging, puzzling, paradigm breaking, memorable, etc. I don't generally have the patience to play games myself, but I love getting the gist or essence of it. I recently heard of a game called Cassette Beasts that is getting rave reviews! On the surface, it has a similar premise to Pokemon - collecting monsters, competing in battles, going on a journey. But whereas thinking about the otherwise-colorful-and-bright Pokemon franchise for an extra second draws unfortunate parallels to dogfighting, Cassette Beasts has a unique twist on this - you and your human friends or strangers are transforming into these beasts you recorded on cassette tapes, and this allows you to explore and survive in an uncertain world. And you can fuse together, combining your strengths and weaknesses... in a rather intimate way. Cassette Beasts is lauded for a lot of innovation in game mechanics, quality of life aspects, music, and design as well! It is a bit hard not to feel a bit sad about Pokemon, which is the most profitable franchise in the world and hasn't really innovated since the original 90s games. But maybe next time.*
... did you know that button mushrooms, cremini mushrooms, and portabello mushrooms are the same species, just different a g e durations of growth time before harvesting? I didn't! I heard about this from a video about Mushrooms on, you guessed it, WIRED. I put on some edutainment when I am eating...
i love crossing things off a list, by hand. i love when people draw cute faces on pictures of mountains or rocks or trees to personify them. i love having some instant noodles for a special occassion.
I recently saw a video about hacking and penetration testing, from WIRED - I highly recommend it, clear, concise, colorful. I've been thinking about these dangers of opening up unfamiliar websites or even reading an email/text (without clicking any links), paired with the ease of impersonating someone or just acting with an air of familiarity or just referencing a easily-findable contextual detail. How do we know who we are talking to? What uniqueness or quick or memorable story would I recognize in someone that I know?
there's someone hoping that i'd see the light. i've been staring at it for a long time, bathing in its glow, but i'm hesitant to take any more steps closer to it. maybe there is a suitable distance away from the light for me. maybe if i were in the light, i wouldn't be able to see it anymore. ;)
a shirt from a friend, do you feel it suits me? i miss you. i will be home soon. today, i played opera music too loudly that local security got involved. i feel something about making trouble. people said specific and kind things to me today, compliments, and i recieved them without downplaying them, look at me go. i am very behind on tipnotes, and will reply in a couple days, when i am in the airport. end of transmission.
A song of my soul. There are some moments or mementos like these where I feel like "yes, this is me." A lot of my days, I feel like my 'I-ness' is pretty broad and poorly defined, that I could be anything or anyone, that I am am unsure and nebulous, but then I see something like this which some how feels raw and true. Perhaps it is still just an illusion or habit but it still feels comforting!
Do you ever wonder who I fantasize about? *The 7 most prominent figures in my mind, in no particular order: Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy (from the Harry Potter films and fan writing), Sherlock and Mycroft and Irene Adler (from Sherlock BBC), Hannibal and Will Graham (from Hannibal NBC). It's hard to tell if I fantasize about seeing them with others, being with them, or being them... maybe all of that simultaneously? I should also point out things I fantasize about are often not not things I want 'in the real world.' Edit: I wanted to add Euros from Sherlock BBC! I can't believe I forgot Euros. Perhaps you see my pattern for misunderstood genius badasses... There are a number of characters that I have passing thoughts about, but they are not nearly as strong as the ones I've listed already. Naturally, all fantasies are about my mental concept of them or their appearance/persona rather than the person themselves, which might explain some things? Other thoughts include Viktor and Mel from Arcane, Gemma from Crazy Rich Asians (and also a Dominatrix character by the same actress), favorite singer musicians like Tamino and Asad Avidan, early Xavier from X-Men First Class, Xialing from Shang-Chi, L from Deathnote, Jean Grey and Storm from the X-men cartoons, and others.*
Still one of my favorite compliments to date ;) "I keep telling people I thought I was going to an orgy but wound up with a spiritual transformation instead, and that Aly is our lesbian cult leader." - a tweet from @frankierivers! with @tantric_eden@autumnbuttons@marleymathers@scar_sinclair Go explore their wit, sensuality, pleasure, love ❤️
Can you believe this tofu pudding with red bean-filled boba and peanut crunchies was just $2.80usd at the airport!? Or how about this giant mushroom noodle soup for $8.70usd!?
I am at Taipei Airport for a layover! It has been a while since I worked in Asia and it feels surreal strange to me to be around primarily Asians again. I walked off the plane and immediately started a self-guided tour of all the unique vending machines, cute-as-heck "under construction" signs, waiting rooms themed with cinema seats and Sanrio characters and forest trees/creatures and art galleries... I didn't realize I forgot about congee and soup dumplings, and the uniqueness of hot water dispensers, and toilets seats with bidets. A new thing is the electronic signs that show you how many bathroom stalls are open and how many minutes to the next one...
I needed to see this yesterday, and it was there on my FB. Maybe this can be of use to you today, so here it is, randomly on your OF. I use temporary tattoos sometimes to mark what I need to remember. I am remembering "I am the awareness behind my emotions" now, with two koi fish on my inner forearm.
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Whenever I have a new curiosity or interest, my first thought is "I wonder how I might stream that..." Venture out to the wild, be a compa nion in some creative endeavors, provoke new thoughts and imaginings, learn bodies and sensation, get sillier and funnier than expected... but until then, here's another peek at a photoset to share when I get back to my computer in October.
This caught my eye. It pulled on me elsewhere. Neat and unifying, wild in some ways. Is that something that draws you in too? The second picture is a cheeky play on fingernails. :) Sex Machine Museum.
The first image also reminds me of the story of the magic thread - do you know that one? The main character recieves a ball of magic thread that, when pulled, moves time forward a little bit, allowing them to skip difficult moments or jump to something they are looking forward to. How do they feel at the end, you think? Easy to find the story googling "the magic thread" if you are curious!
