Poem from Nov 2003:
I was y0ung, innocent
A virgin to cruelty and
Emotional toil.
Under a homely roof
Living like all was bliss.
But I did not realize
This life was fake.
My friend, the spike
And I were close.
People would always say,
“Look how great they get along!
How sweet! Those two!”
The days grew long.
I began to fatigue.
Then I noticed a small pain
In my side.
I tried to ignore it.
“It will go away”
But the days went on.
It hurt more and more.
And for once I realized-
It was the spike.
It was him the whole time.
This thorn in my side…
This sudden point of view-
This realization
Only made the pain worse.
I asked quietly, and politely,
“Will you please leave?”
But the spike did not hear-
He thought I liked it.
The spike caused such pain
I knew he must be removed.
Ever so carefully- tenderly,
I grabbed hold of it’s end.
Waves of agony
Pulsated through my body
As I gripped;
Steadily, I increased the pressure
And began to pull outwards.
The feeling was so excruciating.
“Will I survive?
Can I live without the spike?”
Still I continued to pull.
The spike was determined
To stay in my side.
He tried to dig in more.
“Don’t you love me?”
The spike asked, angelically.
“We were the best of friends,
The kind only found in fairytales!
We loved each other!
How can you just pull me out?”
Through the barrier
Of all my pain-
I heard the spike’s pleas
And they pierced my heart-
And drew tears to my eyes.
“But I do love you…”
I admitted to the spike.
With this there was hesitance.
Should I pull out the spike,
Until he is gone forever?
I hope you appreciate me bearing my soul for you <3 Photo by Bunny Luna.
Without going too much into detail... my youth was very challenging after I decided I wanted freedom from my strict environment. When your bounds are all psychological, it's harder to understand them, which makes it like a mental t0rture... If I were literally tied up, at least I would have been able to understand what was happening. I suppose I can apply this anguish similarly to other relationships in life where I was being emotionally, intellectually, financially, or sexually ab*sed... A smack to the face would have been easier to comprehend.
Anyway, this photographic art depicts my feelings on the matter. Image by Dark Arts.
“I can’t BELIEVE how many of you in this class forgot to bring your bibles to chapel last Friday!” Our balding bible teacher’s forehead and ears burned bright red with rage. “How could you FORGET? Is God NOT NUMBER ONE in your life? The first commandment says to ‘have no other gods before me’, RAISE YOUR HAND if you think you’re ‘good enough’ to get into heaven if you couldn’t even remember to bring your own bible to chapel?!”
The silence in that 8th grade classroom was so thick, you could slice it with a butter knife… My waify wrist lifted, and my bent fingertips were the only ones visible across a room of solemn classmates.
“Explain yourself!” His eyes bulged out of his head, huffing and puffing so hard I could feel the fire and brimstone from 4 desks away. All eyes were on me for probably the first time ever… I was rather “uncool” at school and had been teased for being obsessed with cats all throughout junior high. I couldn’t dress hip for the life of me. Having this amount of attention in the opposition of “Jesus” seemed sacrilegious, but I kinda like the fire feeling of rebellion…
I stuttered “Well, I think if you have good intentions in your heart, and you treat others with love, that should be good enough to get into heaven….?” I honestly don’t remember what happened next… but I am sure I was somehow proved wrong in front of the classroom… well... by their orthodox standards I suppose…
*Kristy, part of my "Rebellion Origin Story"
Photo by Alvarado
XoXo
I was scouting in this lusciously hole-filled canyon in south Utah, just to see what this spot was like! I fell in love immediately, and had the desire to document my creative desire by setting my phone on the tripod, rubbing oil all over my body, and snapping some pics to share with you <3 I hope you love them!!
A Poem I wrote in Oct 2003, when I was 15:
A small bright light
At the end of a tunnel
Like a star
It shines promisingly.
Taunting me…
I want it so bad!
It’s call is so strong…
But this darkness I’m in
Holds me back.
I have to endure it.
“Patience is a virtue”
So I wait
And watch the light.
It flickers and glimmers.
Photo by Julian Wilde (Unlock for the nude version)
Pussies and asses in each other's faces OMG!! Twisting our bodies together with @taylor_mae_model 😍😍😍 This was so much naughty fun OMG, after a while we were basically 69'ing... 😳🙈
You know that feeling you get when nothing obviously wrong is happening in front of your eyes, yet you feel uneasy? How certain can you be about your own thoughts and feelings though… when you’re only 13? At such a y0ung age… does one’s “gut feeling” have any merit? How does one know what the world consists of when they’re heavily monitored from witnessing the outside world? No public TV, no secular music, only people we are allowed to interact with go to the same church / school… it’s like that feeling that something is “off”, like how Neo felt there was an reality outside of the Matrix, or Jim Carrey in the Truman Show… This is the feeling I had as a very y0ung t33nager, standing in the pews in the sanctuary during church worship. Grown ass adults were singing, raising their hands, a few convulsing on the ground. The special guest speaker yelling passionately into the microphone above the live orchestra music “FEEL THE SPIRIT! FEEL THE SPIRIT!” After about 13 y3ars in this environment, I would have thought I would be capable of feeling this ‘spirit’ everybody was always raving about. But I never did. I observed the sanctuary as a spectator, wondering what all this fuss was about. It was in that moment I felt strongly that my life was being contrived.
Name a time you felt something in your gut…
Photo by Ritchie Ronnie
What soothes your soul? And what is your trauma trigger? I have a theory that my fetish for the sound of an acoustic guitar stems from my early childhood: On the good nights, my younger sisters and I were put to bed, and fell asleep to the soothing sound of my dad’s bar chords echoing from down the hall, while he led his bible study or practiced Jesus music. On the bad nights, it was hard to fall asleep because we had to listen to my father yelling at my mother. I couldn’t imagine what my mom could have done to deserve that kind of anger… to me she seemed like the best human in the world: the kindest, most beautiful, best mom ever. But boy was my dad mad… I still remember it, but to this day he boasts that him and my mom “never even had a single argument their whole marriage”… I guess he doesn’t realize I can remember those nights when it was hard to get to sleep….
Please tell me what is soothing to you...
(First photoshoot story continued...) I crossed myself, and did as I was told. I didn't want to upset him further... soon I was fully naked in front of this strange angry man... "Wow, you're a natural!" his tone shifted from Hyde back to an enthusiastic Jekyll... "You're even BETTER nude than with clothes on! You're doing so great! I think you're ready for an EROTIC shoot!"
"What's erotic mean?" My naive little voice peeped...
"I'll show you!" He began pulling up his laptop. "Would you like a bump of c0caine? It'll really help your confidence!" he asked nonchalantly... as if I had experience with cocaine already...
I'll post the ending of the story tomorrow!
Images by J-Lin Photo (note, J-Lin is not the photographer in this story! I picked these photos because of my facial expressions, I looked a bit uncomfortable... )
It might be a bit odd for me to be writing about this here on onlyfans... but I truly hope to get a closer connection with you here. I encourage you to reply in the comments below...
I grew up just like any other kid... not allowed to watch public TV... put to work for my dad... sheltered and strictly controlled... that's normal, right? There were a lot of rules in the house: what not to say, how to reject a marketing call on the phone, how to perform our morning routines in sequence with a good attitude (rewarded with money or candy, or punished with paycheck ‘dings’, spankings with a rubber spatula, or pinches… after spanking was deemed abusive)… but above all else, JESUS was always brought up to warn us that we better behave like little angels. “What would Jesus do?” I went through the motions and did as I was told, to the best of my ability, to prevent any parental outbursts of anger.
What was your childhood like?
(Photo credit: Tenball Photography - one of my first ever photo shoots, I wanted it to be dark and cryptic...)
Starting today, I am going to be telling you my story… the story of where I came from… it’s going to be kinda cringe at times, but you just might find some things in my story that you can relate to… at least I hope so… Of course I will also be sharing my regular hott and spicy content all the time too :)
(Self portrait)
Let me seduce you now… Nothing makes me feel more feminine and beautiful than a delicate set of handmade lace lingerie from Desirex! I always prefer the independent designers’ works over amazon/ Victoria’s secret/ forever 21 etc etc ;) It’s like wearing someone else’s passion for their art on my body, while writhing in sensuality while slowly peeling off the beautiful designs to reveal my nude body… perky breasts and little pussy… mmmmm… Anyway, please enjoy this seductive video!!
I felt so beautiful I couldn’t help but writhe in delicious awe in a super tight pussy-squeezing micro-mini ;) caressed by @traviswolfecreative at the end of this sexy impromptu photo shoot ️🔥I wasn’t my normal “dolled up for a photoshoot” self when we shot these… I wasn’t wearing makeup and my hair was tied up in a bun. Travis and I were walking through some unmarked wilderness areas somewhere in south Utah, seeking inspiring colors and textures. Well, we found this beautiful place!!! The rocks were swirly like Carmel ice cream, with little streaks of hazelnut and vanilla striations :)
I thought to myself… what do I have that would look great as a color contrast with this creamsicle-colored nature? My mint microkini, of course! I put it on and had travis get a bunch of interesting snaps of me. This started out as just a “scouting to see where we could bring photographers in the future” type of a walk, but we turned it into a photo shoot :) The shots get quite intimate near the end of the series <3
Always check the weather report for rain upstream when exploring slot canyons. You wouldn't want to be surprised by a flash flood... Photo by William Scherrer
Spoiler alert- I gave Britney a “happy ending” after all her hard work being my co-star for this try on haul! You could definitely say this was a “FIRST” for me!!! I had way too much fun filming this micro bikini try on haul! “Britney” is my torso doll, the company that made her sent her to me in exchange for making an “unboxing review video” on YouTube. You can check that out here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGkrpc0V1Nk&t=301s
I wanted to face a shark, but the shark didn't want to face me... Photo by Brett Stanley, from that one time we traveled to the Bahamas to create art in the ocean.
This strappy sexy outfit is new- to- me, and I am excited about it! It’s completely revealing, with ringlets in just the right places (as shown in the images!) We were exploring the valleys where Lake Powell has dried up, very beautiful scenery for images :) Unintentionally, We may have captured some print-worthy images while creating these photos! I turned a few black and white that I felt particularly inspired by :)
Consume me.
Assume:
The best or the worst-
Of my intentions.
Supercifial,
Or moving Frames,
or films…
Or in person.
I do exist,
On the candid plane.
I smile and cry.
Without cameras.
(A poem by me, photo by Mark Velasquez wearing Ukranian designer lingerie by Mari Moth Lingerie )
15 minutes up close and in 4k! Watch me shave my pussy after a month of growing a bush! I even share some nice wide open spreads as a grand finale ;) ;) ;) I mentioned this once before… but there’s a sub-culture of models and photographers who prefer shaven or bushy pubic areas for various artistic and not-so-artistic purposes. I have always been a “social butterfly” of sorts and can’t seem to pick one genre of model photography, or pick a standpoint on the decision to love or hate hair in my bikini area. There have been times where I was convinced to grow a landing strip, there have been times I felt too lazy to bring my razor to my crotch… and this time I just wanted to experiment. It is definitely a different feeling and look to have more of a full bush. Sadly, my hair there will never be as voluptuous as some others, my hair is thin with spaced out follicles, including the hair on my head- the strands and silky and fine. So aesthetically I decided to say goodbye to my lady garden’s overgrowth… and of course I documented the process (in 4k!) for you ;)
I grew a bush! After my last southwest adventure, I didn’t have any shoots for about a month. I wanted to see what it would look like… it hasn’t been this long in over a decade! OMG!!!
It’s interesting how different people prefer or dislike pubic hair. It seem like such a uniquely personal preference… interestingly there is this subculture of “purist” artists who claim that shaving pubes ruins the art of nude photography (yes of course, many of those same purists hypocritically want models to shave their legs and armpits…) as well as erotic photographers who claim any body hair is “un-hygienic” (ironically many of these photographers often have hairy bodies themselves…)
I did eventually shave it… a close up 4k video of the shaving and before and after is in your near future ;) Unlock to view my pubes in their prime from several angles in several pics I snapped!!
