I visited an Elder today. When I think about today, I get wo..

I visited an Elder today. When I think about today, I get worried that I didn't behave perfectly; yet, I prepared for pretty much all outcomes. No, this is not how I decided to move my life forward. I had made a decision on October 13th 2021 that I would not attempt to predict the future outcomes. I decided that I would let myself enjoy life by being able to respond to challenges in ways much closer to my Heart.

My visit was supposed to Show I am reclaiming all of myself: Body, Mind, and also Spirit. I did not Direct the Show thoroughly. I lack self-discipline. I will not be the Monster with a Foreign Heart, despite my physical discrepancies; Although, I so easily revert back to my physical limitations of my weak damaged heart. My rigidity and stubbornness need to be reinforced; Or, I will have no Walls for my Home amongst the Field of Paradise. The Crux of my problem lay within my chest. Should I Hold the Hope of my heart to regenerate through the power of Spirit? I have Spent eighteen years with this damage inside my Body; Perhaps, If I Spend another eighteen years Strong Of Heart I shall be healed. I must Act then perhaps I may feel entitled to Direct.

If I choose not to be a monster then I should not provoke people, including the mentors of my past. I choose to give gifts to the Elder’s followers and a formal gift to the Elder. I Rode the line of acceptability. From the start, my Plan was flawed. I was told by the followers that they, “had not received the voicemail predating my visit.” In truth, I had no proof the followers had or had-not received my voicemail: thus I should have concluded to call again before appearing. I could have saved myself some Face by planning more concretely.

My gifts were accepted, unbegrudgly. I Scraped by several conversations with the followers with a somewhat-professional verb set but I did not Fool the Elder. To the Elder’s trained eyes, I have remained the naturalist social giant who is carelessly squishing the public under my Foot to get my desires. And despite my growth as a person I have refused to Burn this behavior. I earned myself a Level of distrust with the Elder rather than “?”. I didn’t even plan the favorable outcome I Wished to Direct, such slothful behavior. Such slothful behavior could also be seen as disrespect… Woe is me.