Hi! I’m still alive, thanks for checking in. Super long ramb..

Hi! I’m still alive, thanks for checking in. Super long rambly post ahead.

To be totally transparent with y’all, this move, some car troubles, and my kitten’s recent medical problems have all happened at once, basically financially devastating me lol. I’m also still paying off my surgery that I had in March, so throw that into the mix as well. I made $14/hour at my job in Texas (ie. not even enough to live on, shout out to Texas and the US in general for completely failing health care workers esp in the midst of a pandemic!), then I didn’t work for 4 weeks, and I’m still waiting for my first paycheck from my new job (where I make $5.50 an hour more, fuck yeah). I adore living in New York and having my own space, but I am *extremely broke* and on the verge of I don’t even want to think about it lmao. I have only a few dollars in the bank account and in my wallet, and I am about to max out my credit card. I have honestly spent several nights recently having a mental breakdown about how broke I am and how close I am to super unfun things happening as a result. This isn’t to get y’all to feel bad for me, I’m just being upfront that I have not been in a good mental state recently as I have never been this low on money in my life and it is really fucking stressing me out. It will get better once I get my first paycheck and can start working away at this mountain of debt and bills piling up, but until that happens, I am trying to stretch each dollar as far as it will go and hoping for the best.

With all that being said, I have had no interest in sex or being sexy or any of that. I have been running off of pure adrenaline of trying not to starve or get evicted just to get by. I have never made very much money doing online SW, whether that be on here or Snapchat or Twitter or Chatty-bate. The market is super oversaturated with online SWers so I don’t take it personally, but it can be discouraging. I put so much time and effort into OF for the first few months and made only a few hundred dollars in that time after OF took its cut, basically meaning I was making less than minimum wage. It was fun to just be naked for strangers at first regardless of money, but over time when that starts to lose its novelty, you feel like you’ve put a lot of time and effort into something for no good reason.

I don’t say this make y’all feel bad because I honestly love those of you who support me and care about me as a person, whether you’ve bought something of mine or tipped me. Every dollar is extremely appreciated, believe me, I don’t take a cent of it for granted. I am just really struggling to get by and am feeling increasingly more concerned with just wanting to live comfortably one day because being broke as hell fucking sucks.

Anyway, I am reaching a point where I need to press onward despite my struggles and just put myself back out there and try to get some money, even if it’s not much. I have the day off on Tuesday and plan to record some stuff for here as well as go live on Chatty-bate (I’m scared to type the real name on here bc idk if it’s allowed lol) to at least get some pennies, or maybe even some nickels if I’m lucky. Times are tough, but in a capitalistic society, we must trudge on. 🫠

On the plus side tho, I’ve been losing weight and my kitten is adorable as hecc and I have the cutest lil apartment with my fiancé in a wonderful lil city and life here will be so good once money can become less of an issue. The sun will come out tomorrow 🌞 Comment toast if you actually read all this lmao