LONG UPDATE! *real raw update* i have been waiting and wait..

LONG UPDATE!
*real raw update*

i have been waiting and waiting to post this dang update. First because honestly i wasnt sure what to do.
When we first found out i was so so torn on if we could handle another lil human. And we were considering all our options, trying to be realistic about what we could handle. I went to a local clinic to confirm i was pregnant, and they did an ultrasound as well. And as soon as i saw that tiny little heartbeat i knew what was meant to be will be.
If youve been here a while you know i had a miscarriage before small human. And it stopped my world for a bit. I had to be on medication to make sure small human was okay when i was pregnant with him. Yet this baby, that we didnt even try for, actually that we actively tried to avoid, was just here. Vibing, thriving here in my uterus. No medications. No anything. Just doing its own thing all by itself without me even trying. And to me that was just a huge sign that everything meant to be will indeed be.
After we made that decision of course i panicked for a bit. I applied for state insurance and actually am still struggling to be seen by a damn doctor. The clinic i went to was lovely, and they did multiple ultrasounds to give me peace of mind. But they didnt draw bl00d or do any formal tests or anything diagnostic. And because of insurance issues i am no currently 17 weeks pregnant and still have not been seen by a dang doctor officially.
Which is crazy, and was another reason i had not updated you guys. In the back of my mind i didnt want to say " hey im pregnant" and then have something go wrong and have to give you guys that update then after seeing a doctor. But im tired of waiting and not being here. And not sharing more of this journey. I spent so much of my last pregnancy scared and filled with anxiety that something would happen to the small human growing inside me. I really wanted this pregnancy to be different and to try to enjoy it and find some joy in it. So i want to share that with you guys ❤️
Im sorry i didnt share the first 17 weeks, i didnt know until 6 weeks. And didnt go to the clinic until 8 weeks. And then was TERRIBLY sick (more then i was with my first pregnancy) up until about 2.5 ish weeks ago. And the throwing up part of pregnancy is absolutely terrible let me add lol i didnt even see family or friends cuz all i wanted to do was lie down next to the toilet. Small human got really good at playing in the bathroom 🤣
But alas that is the update! And where ive been. Mostly miserable and pregnant and trying to take care of a toddler. And just the small human part in itself is hard (if youre a parent you KNOW lol) but i am here. And feeling good these last couple of weeks and ready to be back if you all will have me still ❤️
So lets get back to shit huh? And lets keep our fingers crossed this is the last fucking break ill have to take for a long time cuz FUCKKKK im tired and life keeps throwing shit at me 🤣 thanks for being here for the ride either way everyone. Im so so so grateful youre here and i cant wait to see and hear more from you 🎉💕

If you made it this far enjoy my freshly just woken up face as well 🤣 didnt even put on glasses yet