

After I was locked in my cage last night, my master ordered me to remove my blanket from the cage and throw it far enough away that I couldn't reach it anymore. I then objected, saying that it might get cold (I had the window open) and that I generally can't sleep without a blanket. He then allowed me to place the blanket just within reach from the cage, and told me I could retrieve it if necessary, but that I would have to message him if I did. I found this quite unfair and immediately felt resistant. I felt mistreated, wondered what I had done wrong to deserve this treatment, and whether he was angry with me. But instead of sulking, I managed to ask him if it was a punishment. I'm quite proud of that. After he explained that it wasn't a punishment, I felt better and was able to mentally engage with the task. I still expressed to him how I felt, telling him that I found the game silly, that I always sleep with a blanket no matter the temperature, and that I felt unsafe and vulnerable without one. I think it's important to express my emotions, both so he knows what’s going on with me and can better gauge his actions, and because it's healthier to give space to emotions rather than suppress them. He then explained that he was looking out for me and instructed me to meditate, to intensely imagine that he was there for me, and to realize that the only thing I need in my life is his guidance and support. I did just that. I cuddled with one of his T-shirts, inhaled his scent, and imagined he was there with me, focusing on the thought that he was all I needed. It was really nice. I quickly calmed down and fell into a relaxed, twilight state. However, I didn’t really sleep. I’m not sure if it was because it was too cool or because I couldn’t cover myself, but I kept drifting from that pleasant twilight state back to wakefulness, despite being exhausted. Around 1:30 AM, I retrieved the blanket so I could get at least a few hours of sleep. That felt bad and like a failure. I hate not being able to accomplish things. However, I was too tired to dwell on it for long and fell asleep immediately, sleeping through until this morning.