I’m starting my day today with chains, chai latte and some t..
Added 2024-10-05 09:43:04 +0000 UTCI’m starting my day today with chains, chai latte and some thoughts about yesterday...
Yesterday was pretty exhausting for me. My Master was invited to a wedding with Agoria, hosted by an acquaintance of his who doesn’t know about my existence. That triggered some pretty negative emotions for me throughout the day. I really didn’t want to go to that wedding. I hate events where I have to make small talk and can’t be my authentic self. But not being invited to something like that means I’m not seen as belonging to my Master in a social sense, and that hurts. On the other hand, I have thoughts like, "Why should a slave accompany her Master to a wedding or even be invited to one?" I always say I want to be his slavegirl, not his girlfriend, and I truly mean that. And I hate that there’s no socially accepted way to handle this. I see myself as his property, and for me, that means a permanent, long-term relationship. But it's far from a partnership.
Right now, I’m feeling very confused and lonely. I’d love to connect with other girls in similar relationships who understand how I feel and with whom I can exchange experiences. This isn’t a game for me; it’s my reality, and often, I encounter a lack of understanding. When I talk to others about struggling with something or finding something difficult, the response is always, “Talk to your Master. He should be considerate or change something.” And then I’m left there, not understanding the world around me. I always talk to my Master. He always knows what’s going on with me. I have the instruction to always tell him what I'm doing and what's on my mind. But the solution couldn't be constantly making demands on him.
I think to myself, “I have a Master who loves me, who cares about my well-being, who supports me and takes care of me. What more could a slavegirl ask for? And how ungrateful would it be to keep making more demands?” Then I feel really alone because it seems like no one can understand that this isn’t a game for me, where the rules can constantly be renegotiated and that I didn't want to renegotiate it either...
