I took this pic before some stuff in my life went to hell ag..

I took this pic before some stuff in my life went to hell again last week. I have been fairly open in the past that I faced a lot of shame, religious influence, and bullying around sex as I was growing up. I have also had numerous assaults', constant harassment and a few rapes. There is a narrative in society that these 'damaged' women tend to become sex workers. 1:3 women have been sexually assaulted, and as much as your imaginations would like to run wild I doubt 1:3 women are secret sex workers. I can't speak for others, but for myself embracing my sexuality and owning that I am a sexual woman has been liberating. As a survivor maybe more so, if you are open about being sexual, own your sexuality and show no shame around it, it brings a power to you while taking it away from those that want to sexualize you in predatory way. I know my audience is primarily people that identify as male and tend to be pretty well versed in the issues around female sexuality, but people raised as women (generally) need to learn that they should and can get pleasure out of sexual activity because society conditions us that it is something we give, or is taken from us. The language around y0ung people's first sexual encounters is reflective of the larger conditioning aspects of society. "He scored" "she lost her virginity" "he took her virginity" of course it can be used in the mutual sense as well but more often it is a symbol of pride for men and shame for women. A y0ung ex of mine once told me some story I can't remember, but the punchline was that this girls pussy lips looked like roast beef because she had sex with so many men. I asked him how that was different from her having lots of sex with one guy? He was genuinely taken aback. These jokes and the culture around them does tend to be outgrown by many, but that social conditioning finds ways to leach into adult life in many other forms. I workout to be fit and sexy for sure, but the number one reason I workout is to stay strong physically and mentally; having agility and strong muscle control helps me feel more secure and has also been a huge part of my healing process. My absence these last few days was after an old abuse wound reared its head and I realized I couldn't keep smiling and putting aside my own pain to try to make everyone else comfortable. I had to cut someone out of my life and the experience brought back a lot of pain. Lots of people talk about how my generation is easily triggered, I had never been triggered until I watched Christine Blasey Ford give her testimony for the Kavanaugh hearing, and more personally when a man started recording me and jacking himself off while I was exercising in a secluded room at my gym. Each instance brings a wave of pain of all the other things that happened that took the power that I have over my own body and my own voice away from me. When I talk openly about sex or am free with my sexuality I get to exercise this part of me that society has repressed, silenced and shamed me for. I get to take the pen and be the author of my own story. I have the freedom to indulge and celebrate my sexuality and I LOVE to share it with all of you. Unfortunately I still have some deep scars that I am working through and occasionally they are an obstacle. But I am strong. Thank you everyone for your patience, support and love.