This isn't my usual picture but it wasn't taken in my usual ..
Added 2021-09-24 03:59:19 +0000 UTCThis isn't my usual picture but it wasn't taken in my usual mood. I was feeling better yesterday, but very vulnerable. I wanted to take a picture of myself to try to capture this feeling without trying to think about it too much. I used to hate posed pictures and only prefer candid shots because good candid shots can capture the essence of a persons emotions without the subject putting on a mask for the world and I think there is incredible beauty in raw authenticity. It is hard to take a candid selfie (lol) but sometimes I try to captured emotion without filtering it, even just for myself. In the hard years when I was processing the bulk of my trauma, I would cry often, but I was too embarrassed by showing weakness and emotion; I never cried in front of anyone. I faked a smile convincingly enough. No one, not even my best friend knew how I was suffering. However, I had mirror selfies of me crying. Looking back now I can't remember why I did that. It let me validate my pain to myself? I blamed myself for what happened to me and perhaps I wanted to watch the girl in the mirror suffer for what she had brought on herself. I have come A LONG WAY from that. Part of it was self reflection but the biggest part was being so open about it within a supportive community. Not hiding my pain helped me let it go, and while things will pop up now and again I wouldn't change anything that happened because it made me who I am. Thank you to everyone who I have chatted with personally or who just cared enough to read the rants I about processing my sexuality and abuse that I sprinkle on top of my anal content. Feeling accepted as a person has allowed me to find immense pleasure acting as a sex toy. All of your support these last few weeks has meant the world to me and really shown me what a great group of people I have following me here <3 I am feeling comfortable in my body tonight and I'm about to shower and make a sexier video clip :)
